By
Richard Littlejohn

PUBLISHED:

19:48 EST, 29 May 2014

|

UPDATED:

21:29 EST, 29 May 2014

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been out and about promoting my new book, Littlejohn’s Lost World.

One topic which has featured in most of my radio interviews and live audience QA sessions is our modern obesity ‘epidemic’, a subject at the top of today’s news agenda.

We learned on Wednesday that the Government’s health watchdog wants taxpayers to foot the bill for the overweight to attend commercial slimming clubs.

Then yesterday, another report declared that British girls are the fattest in Europe. No surprise there, then.

‘Today, obesity is considered to be some kind of ‘disease’, which people catch like flu through no fault of their own. The “experts” address the symptoms rather than the fundamental causes’

This latest survey reinforces the findings of the British Heart Foundation, which estimates that almost a third of all children in this country are clinically obese, a condition which can cause myriad problems in later life, including diabetes, breathing difficulties and heart disease.

So how did Britain get to be the Fat Man of Europe? It’s something I address in the book. When I was growing up, no one had ever heard the word ‘obesity’.

You might have thought that because we ate a high-fat, carbohydrate-rich diet, packed with spuds, bread and sticky puddings topped with Golden Syrup, we would all have been waddling around like hippos.

The fact is: fat kids were few and far between. Those that were carrying excess baggage were teased unmercifully – ‘Piggy’ or ‘Bunter’ being the most common nicknames.

No one was excused games because they were overweight. If the fatties struggled to clamber over the vaulting horse or climb the wall bars, they were made to stay behind until they managed it

Any pupil poking fun at a classmate for being fat today would probably be reported by the school to the police ‘hate-crimes’ unit. We were simply told not be unkind because they couldn’t help being overweight.

It was down to their ‘glands’, whatever they were. Either that, or they had ‘big bones’. Curious, because the one thing all these kids had in common was that they ate more than anyone else and had an aversion to games.

They weren’t sent to child psychologists for counselling. They were put on strict diets and forced to take more exercise. There was no hiding place. At playtime, the fat boys were made to go in goal, thus freeing up those with leg irons to play on the wing.

In the summer, they volunteered to keep wicket because that required less running around than fielding at mid-off, next to the bike sheds. The teachers weren’t especially sympathetic towards their chubbier charges.

No one was excused games because they were overweight. If the fatties struggled to clamber over the vaulting horse or climb the wall bars, they were made to stay behind until they managed it.

From a distance of 50 years, this may seem like child abuse, but the ethos back then was very much that you had to be cruel to be kind.

Children with what we would now call ‘weight issues’ were regarded as architects of their own flab, not victims of random misfortune to be indulged and patronised.

Today, obesity is considered to be some kind of ‘disease’, which people catch like flu through no fault of their own. The ‘experts’ address the symptoms rather than the fundamental causes.

My generation may have had a sugary, calorie-laden diet, but we burned it off. We were always outside, on the go, climbing trees, riding bikes, kicking footballs, playing on building sites and in air raid shelters. We didn’t have TVs in our bedrooms, let alone computers.

Our mums and dads encouraged us to roam wild, unlike most of today’s parents who appear to see evil ‘peed-io-files’ lurking round every corner and wrap their kids in cotton wool.

Physical exercise and competitive sport was compulsory at school, from an early age. The pathetic all-must-have-prizes culture put an end to that. Successive governments have compounded the problem by selling off school sports fields and playgrounds to developers.

THE RIDICULOUS RISE OF SANITISED FAIRY TALES

Parents and teachers are complaining that new editions of classic fairy tales are being sanitised so they don’t scare young children.

Carey Ann Dodah, of tuition service Explore Learning, also said modern versions of traditional children’s books such as Hansel And Gretel and Little Red Riding Hood are ‘a bit too health and safety conscious’.

Is nothing sacred? Presumably the Pied Piper of Hamelin is currently helping the Jimmy Savile squad with their inquiries. Jack isn’t allowed to climb the beanstalk without a hard hat, scaffolding and a safety harness, and the Seven Dwarfs now have to go off to work singing: ‘Hi Viz, Hi Viz!’

Surely, frightening children is the whole point of these tales.

As Les Dawson used to say: ‘When I was  a kid, we were that poor we couldn’t afford  laxatives. So Dad would sit us on the potty and read us ghost stories.’

The legacy of the 2012 London Olympics was supposed to be an explosion of people taking part in sport. There’s precious little evidence of that happening.

Of course, the ready availability of fast-food doesn’t help but ultimately a child’s diet should be the responsibility of their parents. Unfortunately, we are now on to the second and even third generation of porkers. One of most depressing elements of the British Heart Foundation report was that almost half of boys and over a third of girls go without breakfast.

Women of my mother’s generation would be horrified. There is no excuse, other than parental neglect, for any child not being given breakfast, even in low-income households.

Granted, the pressures of life mean that young mums have to go out to work to balance the family budget. But that shouldn’t relieve them of the responsibility for ensuring that their kids start the day with a proper meal, even if it’s only cereal. Microwave porridge takes two minutes.

‘We need a complete cultural revolution if we are to beat the modern menace of self-inflicted, self-indulgent gluttony and sloth, which the ‘experts’ pretend is some kind of unavoidable medical condition’

And in homes where no one works, parents have plenty of time to prepare breakfast. Food doesn’t come any faster than bananas and oranges, and they’re a darn sight cheaper than the processed muck which lazy mothers are content to shovel down their kids.

Mind you, looking at the state of some of the XXXL Monster Mums propping themselves up on pushchairs outside school gates these days, it’s hardly surprising.

If they have no respect for their own bodies, how can they be expected to raise healthy children? We need a complete cultural revolution if we are to beat the modern menace of self-inflicted, self-indulgent gluttony and sloth, which the ‘experts’ pretend is some kind of unavoidable medical condition.

Instead of paying for people to attend Weight Watchers and fitting them with gastric bands on the NHS, tell them they won’t be treated at all unless they voluntarily lose weight.

We should stop making excuses for people addicted to instant gratification and force them to take personal responsibility for themselves and their children.

I’m sick and tired of hearing dopey birds – sorry, ‘healthcare professionals’ – on the wireless telling us we mustn’t ‘stigmatise’ lard-buckets or be ‘judgmental’ because it’s not their fault and it could harm their ‘self-esteem’.

The NHS, which was in its infancy when I was child, was set up to combat genuine illness, not to pay slimming club subscriptions for those who are too selfish to take any exercise and can’t stop stuffing junk food down their throats.

But, sadly, that original NHS ideal really does belong to a lost world.

Suicide by Google Glass

Anti-racism campaigners are said to have reacted ‘furiously’ to a video of One Direction star Louis Tomlinson, whoever he is, using the dreaded N-word.

Apparently, the incident was captured on Google glasses, a whole new way of committing professional suicide by social media.

The ‘furiously’ wasn’t really necessary. When did you ever hear of ‘anti-racism campaigners’ reacting ‘proportionately’ or ‘with mild amusement’?

Trouble in store?

It seems I’m not the only gentleman of a certain age having trouble squeezing myself into the latest Marks Sparks tailoring range.

On Tuesday, I told you how a dinner jacket allegedly my usual size was so tight it made me look like Norman Wisdom.

Sandra Hurley writes from Exeter, where she went with her husband to buy an MS suit.

‘I was sitting waiting for him to show  me what it looked like when suddenly he appeared staggering across the shop shouting: “Mr Grimsdale!” ’

Nigel Farage’s German wife says she worries about her husband’s unhealthy lifestyle. ‘He doesn’t get a lot of sleep, he doesn’t eat regular meals and he smokes and he drinks too much.’

Perhaps Frau Farage should adopt the Lauren Bacall approach.

When the stylish Bacall was asked whether her husband, Humphrey Bogart, smoked and drank too much, she replied: ‘I’ve never met a man worth a damn who didn’t.’

Sky Sports presenter Ben Shephard apologised immediately to any viewer who may have taken offence at a remark by studio guest Terry Venables.

El Tel joked that when he and Brian Clough emerged from the Wembley tunnel holding hands before the 1991 FA Cup final between Nottingham Forest and Spurs, they looked ‘like a pair of right woofters’.

For crying out loud. Venables was making fun of himself.

Why would anyone take offence, any more than Terry would be upset if someone suggested light-heartedly that he actually looked as if he was slipping Cloughie a bung?

Don’t call us

As I reported earlier this week, the ghastly White Dee is set to lose her welfare benefits after being filmed judging a wet  T-shirt contest and drinking champagne in Magaluf.

This week, she was called for interview by the DWP. Instead of appearing in person, she elected to send her agent.

Call me old-fashioned, but when did benefits claimants start employing agents?

Share or comment on this article

• 
  Brad Pitt attacked at Maleficent premiere in Hollywood

• 
  The moment Brad Pitt is attacked on Maleficent red carpet

• 
  WORLD EXCLUSIVE: One Direction’s Zayn and Louis smoke…

• 
  Alleged video of Elliot Rodgers at pizzeria on day of…

• 
  Korean Miranda Kerr superfan has surgery to look like her…

• 
  Woman ‘told to stop dancing at African arts festival’

• 
  Gullible bachelor goes ‘bungee jumping’ blindfolded

• 
  Stunning color footage of D-Day and its aftermath

• 
  Woman stoned to death for marrying the man she loved

• 
  Father arrested after pregnant woman stoned to death

• 
  Horrifying moment polar bears eat peacock at Austrian zoo

• 
  Incredible moment jaguar jumps to catch giant otter